The Gabby Petito Murder Case and Domestic Abuse

A few months ago, I wrote a book review on “Is it Abuse?: A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims” by Darby Strickland. Strickland’s book gives us foundational insights in understanding an abusive relational system. I was encouraged by many of you who want to grow in service to the oppressed, as we embark on this journey together. As the church seeks to be a safe place for the oppressed, we need to be aware of the warning signs of abuse and the tactics of abusers.

Many of you have heard of the Gabby Petito murder case which has been in the news lately. In a video (embedded below) by the Psalm 82 Initiative, Pastor Tom Pryde breaks down how the four tools of abuse were present in the bodycam footage of the traffic stop. Had the police officers been trained in abuse, they would have spotted the warning signs of isolation, deflection, manipulation, and intimidation and may have been able to help the victim. As you watch the video, you’ll see how easy it is to be fooled by an abuser and mistake who is the victim. Pastor Tom’s commentary is very helpful and I hope we will all learn to question our own judgments and be more discerning.

Pastor Tom notes:

“In addition to the lessons related to the Four Tools of Abuse, we have three takeaways to keep in mind:

1. Just because both people’s stories agree doesn’t mean the narrative is actually true. In a real abusive relationship, victims often defend their abuser and throw themselves under the bus.

2. Even if someone is pleasant and polite, don’t forget to keep assessing them. The best lies hide under a little bit of truth and a likable smile.

3. Don’t project your own experiences onto someone else’s story. Be careful what you say, and understand that some advice can be unwittingly dangerous to an abuse victim.”

Here is the video:

I have one more video to share. When it comes to abuse, Pastor Tom reminds us not to trust our own judgment. In a short 20 minute talk he gave on abuse in 2019, which I share below, he shares how we come to abuse with biases and encourages us to question what is real and true when dealing with the oppressed. We have biases such as confirmation bias, the halo effect, and hindsight bias. It is a very helpful overview for pastors who want to be faithful shepherds.

Pastor Tom reminds us that abusers show an entitlement mentality. They use coercion and control. They need to win. They are also insecure because a secure person will not need to control another. Abusers also cultivate an exaggerated self-image. They use the tools of isolation, deflection, manipulation and intimidation to oppress their victim.

On my journey as a peacemaker, I’ve learned that the pursuit of justice is part of what needs to happen for there to be true peace and harmony. We don’t make light of sin. Sin is destructive and we call sinners to repentance, to find forgiveness through Christ. Only when sinners are at peace with God can we have true peace with one another.

Let us continue growing in our care for the oppressed. You can learn more about abuse at Pastor Tom Pryde’s website at the Psalm 82 Initiative.