Have you ever found yourself disappointed in a relationship? Perhaps you expected a friend to meet your needs, but their faithfulness was lacking in your time of need. Or perhaps you expected marriage to cure your loneliness or help you find fulfillment but your spouse’s ability to be there for you and support you has been lacking. Or perhaps you have lived life seeking the love or acceptance of a family member but you still have not received their approval or blessing. In those dark moments, it can feel like life is not worth living.
Disappointment in relationships is a normal part of life in a fallen world. But despair and depression may signal that we have placed our treasure in the wrong place. It is normal to hope for good things, such as an understanding and loyal spouse, but to put our ultimate hope in a human relationship is dangerous. A sign that we have a misplaced hope is when we feel depressed, that life is just not worth living anymore because we are not getting our heart’s desires. Depression should tell us something about our soul and the state of our hearts.
In Psalm 42, we encounter a Psalmist who finds himself in crisis. His tears have been his food day and night, and he feels that God has abandoned him. As the chapter progresses, we find the Psalmist preaching to himself, reminding his soul to hope in God, his salvation. This verse is one of my favorites:
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God. (Psalm 42:11, ESV)
How do we get lifted out of our sorrow and despair? We are called to hope in God. He is our salvation and our ultimate hope. Hoping in Him will NOT disappoint us. We should pray that God reveals himself in all his glory.
I find myself most anxious and fearful when I am hoping in the wrong things, when I am depending on my idols for fulfillment and happiness. David Powlison explains why. “If what you most value can be taken away or destroyed, then you set yourself up for anxiety.” (“Don’t Worry: Luke 12:22-34,” Seeing with New Eyes by David Powlison, p.115.) He goes on to explain, “Whether it be money, health, a particular friendship, the dream of marriage, success in sports or business, or how your children turn out, you’re building your house on sand.”
When I make an idol, I am looking for my idol to provide what only God can provide. Common idols in relationships include love and respect. When I sinfully crave my wife’s respect and am disappointed, it is not God who has abandoned me, it is my idolatry and my idol that are letting me down.
Recognizing idolatry is a key to solving relational conflict. Richard Keyes explains idolatry this way: “An idol is something within creation that is inflated to function as God. All sorts of things are potential idols, depending only on our attitudes and actions toward them…Idolatry may not involve explicit denials of God’s existence or character. It may well come in the form of an over-attachment to something that is, in itself, perfectly good…An idol can be a physical object, a property, a person, an activity, a role, an institution, a hope, an image, an idea, a pleasure, a hero – anything that can substitute for God.”
John Calvin stated, “The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but that we want it too much.” The truth is, my marriage, my children, a good friendship, or my acceptance by those in my community is not meant to be my source of ultimate happiness. These may be good gifts that a benevolent God chooses to bestow on us. But in our hoping, we are called to hope in God, not in his good gifts for deliverance from our troubles.
What good things have you placed too much trust in? Money? The ideal Relationship? Comfort? Safety? Being understood? Being loved?
May we hope in God today, rather than misplacing our trust in imitation gods (with a little g). May He be our hope and peace. And may he give us the wisdom to see our idols for what they are and give us the grace to forsake idol worship to serve the true and living God.
Hoping in our idols will disappoint us, but hoping in God will not disappoint us (Romans 5:4). Hoping in idols will enslave us and give us diminishing returns, but God rewards those who seek after Him (Hebrews 11:6) and satisfies us with his steadfast love (Psalm 90:14).
Our soul waits for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.
Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,
even as we hope in you. (Psalm 33:20-22, ESV)
photo credit: Spencer Finnley via photopin cc
