In his book Loving Well, William P. Smith recounts a story of an elder sharing that he and his wife thought the secret to the success of their 27-year-long marriage was that they had learned how to be patient with each other.
He went on to say that he thought that was similar to our calling in all our relationships in the church. The goal is not to find the latest, greatest way to turn people into model Christians but to love well the imperfect Christians in front of us. (Loving Well, p.75)
When God calls us to bear with one another and to be patient with one another (Colossians 3:12-13, Ephesians 4:1-3, 1 Thessalonians 5:14), He is setting our expectations right that people will make our lives difficult on a frequent basis. Be prepared to have your patience tested. Now that you’ve read this, it is bound to happen.
If we are committed to each other’s good, we will need to be patient. This is why Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote to a young married couple, “It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”
Patience is certainly desirable, but how do we be patient with one another? How do we stop demanding that others bend to our will and desires? In The Fruitful Life, author Jerry Bridges says, “The cure for impatience with the fulfillment of God’s timetable is to believe His promises, obey His will, and leave the results to Him.”
Believe his promises… that means that we trust that our good and faithful God is giving us trials (a.k.a. testing our patience) for our own good, to grow us and refine us. Obey his will… that mean submission to His sovereign will. He desires obedience and faithfulness. I need to stop complaining and thinking that if I were God, I would do things differently. After all, He is God and I am not. (Job 38, Romans 11:33-35)
One key to gaining patience is to know that we can’t be patient on our own. Patience comes from an encounter with Jesus, the patient one. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit, and God needs to grow that in me. To grow in patience, we need to gaze on God and become imitators of Him.
Take a look at God’s patience. Smith explains that God desires to commune with us, even though we are still a mess. While we were still sinners, He died for us. But we still sin, and he still desires to commune with us. When God invites us to His table to partake in communion, He invites us to His table to dine and fellowship with Him. In communion, we declare that we will never outgrow our need for the cross. But we come to God, even in the midst of our dirtiness and unworthiness. Our hearts may be rather adulterous, but when we are faithless, He is still a faithful and long-suffering friend (2 Timothy 2:13). If we truly understood God’s goodness and patience with us, how could we not be patient with those around us?
Our patience is grounded in God’s patient character. If God were not patient, He would have already returned to judge the world. God was patient with Israel, even though they did not deserve it. Jesus was long-suffering in the face of evil, submitting to the will of His Father.
But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. – 2 Peter 3:8-10
Think back to how long you’ve wrestled with sin in various areas of your life. Have you considered that if God showed you all of your sin at once, you would be undone and hopelessly depressed. But in God’s great mercy, He shows us a little bit of our sin each day and as our knowledge of our sinfulness grows, our understanding of the greatness of the cross and God’s great mercy also grows. If God doesn’t expect us to change overnight, we should not expect others to change overnight either.
God’s kindness, forbearance, and patience towards us is meant to lead us toward repentance (Romans 2:4). When we are patient with others, we actually improve the likelihood that they will see their own sin. On the other hand, impatience is counterproductive. It is a sign that our own will and desires are ruling our hearts. Our idols have become more important than the people we are called to love. Impatience encourages others to exhibit the “idol worship” syndrome they observe in us, rather than the “let us worship, imitate, and submit to God” cure that they should have observed in us. If we truly want others to change, we should be patient with them, not demanding perfect conformity to our will, and now.
May you be encouraged to imitate our God, who makes a covenant with the underserving, who is patient, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 86:5). Praise Him for His patience and commitment to our good. By His grace, go and imitate Him.
