It is easy for me to become impatient with those that I love the most. Perhaps this is because there are more opportunities for me to sin given the time I spend with loved ones, or perhaps I practice less self-control around loved ones because I’m not afraid of what they think of me! I find myself having a demanding attitude toward those I love. I want them to help me achieve my goals (a.k.a serve me?), even if I haven’t communicated my goals and desires in a clear and loving manner. As I reflect on my problem, I realize that I can’t just “put off” bad behavior. I also need to “put on” the good behavior of fighting back in conflict. Notice the mission given in Romans 12:17-21:
17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
In “The Complete Husband,” Lou Priolo explains that Romans 12:17-21 is filled with terminology of war. “Although some believe that Christianity is pacifistic, the Bible is filled with battle terminology which instructs the believer to have the mindset of a soldier.” (p.125)
As peacemakers, we must go on the offensive. We are to fight and strive for peace (v.18), leave vengeance to God (v.19), and engage our enemy (v.20-21). We are instructed to not be overcome by evil, but instead to overcome evil with good. Herein lies one of the keys to breaking the cycle of conflict. We are not to respond in kind to evil. We are not to imitate the evil behavior we see around us. We are to stand up, fight back, and overcome it.
The next time we are in conflict, we must recognize that the battle is spiritual. Ephesians 6:12 explains, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Too often I find that I fail to recognize that I am even in a battle. Because I am me-centered, it is not even on my radar screen to be God and others-centered. (This is why I ask, “Am I a cat or dog when it comes to conflict?“)
A pastor taught me to wake up each morning and pray that my sin would not destroy my marriage. He is right. I have a real enemy I should be sober-minded and watchful against (1 Peter 5:8). The devil and my sin seek to destroy me and poison my relationships. I should not see people as obstacles to my goals, but as persons made in God’s image. Loved ones are gifts from God. Relationships are a blessing from God for the display of His glory and for my joy and sanctification.
War mentality requires that I be renewed in my mind (Romans 12:1-2), that I understand that God is sovereign and just (Romans 12:19), and that I recognize that suffering well may very well be part of God’s calling (1 Peter 3:17, 1 Peter 4:19). I must recognize that apart from Jesus I can do nothing (John 15:5).
The weapons we have to battle evil include love and good deeds. Romans 12:17 requires us to draw up a battle plan. Like Navy Seals, we are to plan ahead and give thought to how we will fight back. “Do you know exactly how you’re going to respond to your wife the next time she sins against you? Have you prepared your arsenal? Have you cleaned and loaded your weapons? Have you practiced fighting with them? If not, you’ll likely pick up the first familiar (but sinful) weapon at hand when the bullets start to fly, and thus be overcome by her evil rather than overcoming her evil with good.” (p.130)
Priolo goes on to explain that the best weapon to use against those who do evil is to love them: to meet their needs. Meeting someone’s needs is not always the same as fulfilling someone’s desires. May God give us the grace and wisdom to love our enemies (and our loved ones!) and in so doing, heap burning coals on their heads.
Please join me in preparing your battle plan today!
photo credit: BenJTsunami via photopin cc
“Relationships are a blessing from God for the display of His glory and for my joy and sanctification.” A beautiful short sentence that says allot!